ALONE August 29,
2014
Are “alone” and “lonely”, forever linked? I can safely say that most lonely people are
alone, but everyone who is lonely is not necessarily alone. They are really two different states of
being. I am writing about both because
of my need to share my thinking, a habit from my column writing days. Perhaps my words can help clarify some one
else’s thinking.
When I am alone I find opportunities to untangle many of the
knots of daily living that leave me anguished, feeling powerless even,
incompetent. Those feelings need
assessment, thoughtful and direct confrontation. The best time to work on them is when I am alone. Delicious moments of silence are a treat.
When I remove my hearing aids I am inspired to think, the experience of silence
transports me to another world, a whisper world when I have me, myself and I to
myself. Being alone is a journey I
frequently enjoy. I allow my thoughts to wander as I examine bumps in the road.
I have learned how to enjoy my own company.
There are those who meditate when they are alone. That is a comfort I am sure. I prefer the word contemplate because that
is the way I spend my alone time. I do more reflecting than meditating. While I reflect on why I did or experienced
this or that my best memories bubble up to meet me, to comfort me, to support
me, to help me understand.
Loneliness is completely different. It is also a journey; its very nature has a negative
connotation. It is defined by its
incompleteness. We get lonely because
we are missing companionship, frequently, specific companionship; my loneliness
is accompanied by feelings of neglect, abandonment. As time marches on lonely evolves into a helpless feeling that
takes considerable motivation to dissipate.
We must work hard not to wallow in the feeling that it leads to
self-pity, to “poor me”, the attitude that brings escalating sadness. There are many ways to dissipate
loneliness. I take a walk spend time
chatting with neighbors and friends. I
always stroll home feeling better.
Frequently I find that I am not alone with my loneliness, others have
been there or are going through it. It
is good to share. Make a phone call to a long neglected friend. Find an old movie on TV, ask a friend to
join you. Combating loneliness takes
work. Working for oneself, however can
be satisfying.
At times, I enjoy being alone, I can set my own time schedule,
nap when I wish, eat when I am hungry, move when I am motivated. I can even do the laundry at odd times, set
the a/c to my body temperature or throw unmatched layers of clothing on my
back. Loneliness on the other hand
brings tears to my eyes, I miss the warm touch of his hands, the gentle support
he always offered and the love we shared.
The cure for loneliness at 90 is not readily available. Wherever one lives, at home or in a
comfortable retirement facility, at the end of the day, the front door closes
and we are alone and in the evening, loneliness is waiting. I have accepted those lonely moments as just
one of the things I have learned to live with like the drought!
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