Excitement in San Marcos

Excitement in San Marcos 12/27/14 Last Tuesday night, I think I have that correct, I looked at my home alarm panel and thought of how lax I have been regarding my security. Considering that I was planning a short trip when I would feel compelled to turn on the alarm, I decided to test it. I did not have to think about the “on” button or the one that allowed me to walk around when the alarm was set. They were both clearly spelled out on the panel. I hit those buttons. Instead of the usual flashing light, I heard a loud unfamiliar beep that kept repeating itself. Suddenly I was helpless. I had no idea how to stop it. The constant beeping was shattering my calm. My neighbor was quick to respond; within minutes I saw him at the window with flashlight, I beckoned him in. The beep continued its whale. I called the alarm company; “just enter your code and press cancel”. I had no idea what my code was, no clue. Quickly my house seemed to fill up with supporters: firefighters, local security representatives, my neighbor’s wife. With all that help, I ran around with phone in hand, trying to figure out what to do, “yes I knew the password to my system, no I never had a code” I said. Slowly the person on the other end of the phone began to make sense to me: “Can you recall the numbers you use to shut off the alarm?” Without hesitation I entered the correct code and the beeping stopped. Everyone breathed a sigh of relief. That senior moment cost me momentary peace of mind. My neighbor, the wife understood that the tension had taken its toll. “I will go get my kettle and some tea, you just sit down.” I did what I was told; she returned with kettle and tea. I had enough presence of mind to provide mugs. We sat together in my kitchen and chatted about the evening and other things as well. I settled down. Finally, I forgave myself for creating such a stir; reminded myself of Robert Frost’s poem that states, “something there is that doesn’t love a wall.” I am so very grateful to my neighbors, to the firemen who came quickly, the security patrol who walked in when I was not looking. Together they saw me through my difficulty giving me gifts of calm, support and thoughtfulness. Frost also said, “good fences make good neighbors”, not last Tuesday night.

Something to Remember

Something to Remember When the Great Depression hit, it affected my family seriously. We had been living a life of “luxury”. A large and spacious apartment in NYC and a home on Long Island, kept my brother and me beach happy in the summers and walking distance from school in the winters. We never shoveled snow until the Depression caused us to abandon the apartment and move “to the country” all year around. From my seven year-old perch, this is what transpired. One morning in October 1929, my Mother explained that she would not be home when I came from school for lunch. “Why not?” I asked, “I have to go to the bank to get my money,” Mother explained. I had no idea that her simple answer was about to change our lifestyle, habits and schools. My friends would not follow me to the country, nor would my teachers. Nevertheless, I was unmoved. At seven I went with the flow, my parents were in charge At seventeen it would have been a different matter. When Mother was home at three o ‘clock that day, I asked, “Did you get your money?” Her simple “no” gave me no clue of what was to follow. For some months we continued to live according to habit, I wondered that there was no change. Soon I began to hear a new phrase, “we need to tighten our belts”, I did not understand at first. Then plans for winterizing the house “in the country” became a reality. At the end of the school year we were told that we would not return to the city for the winter. I was to go to a different school, the little six-room schoolhouse about a half a mile from our “country” home. That year when I needed new shoes for the new school, Mother bought two pair, one black and one brown. She would not have to buy shoes for me, she hoped, for another year and she could take advantage of a sale. The Depression changed our way of life, but it never really hurt. Mother was a great manager. I can truly say that despite the fact that our income (as I later learned) was cut in half, my brother and I never knew hardship in the real sense of the word. We had three nutritious meals a day. Mother was also a good cook; she did tricks with leftovers. We had everything that we needed for school we were able to participate thoroughly in school activities. I never felt deprived. My belt never got tight. We did not have a car, but I knew how to ride the bus. We did not take exotic summer vacations there was always the beach. I went to the movies once a week and when I went with Dad, he treated me to a sweet afterwards. When Mom took me to the dentist in the city on a Saturday, we lunched at the automat. I did learn a lot without a college course in economics. I learned to understand and even practice Mother’s brand of economy and good sense. Every time the economy slid, I panicked from that time to this day. Yes, I was ready for our Great Recession when it came.

I support our seniors because I am elderly and I have learned over the years that being informed is a step in the caring process that reaches everyone. I share information that will help us help each other. On January 29th, Palomar Health’s San Marcos Community Action Council will sponsor its Seventh Annual Training and Tool Box of Resources in support of our community seniors. We call it the SOCS Box Training. Everyone is welcome to attend; it is not limited to San Marcos. There is no charge; registration for the day runs from 9:30 am to 10 am on the 29th, see below for early registration to save your seat. The day is oriented to visitors, visitors who drop by to chat with an elderly friend or family member; it is also extremely helpful for caregivers of the elderly. Anyone who has time can participate, those who volunteer at a service organization, faith-based care teams, volunteers who reach out with meals-on-wheels, the Senior volunteer Patrol/YANA (means “you are not alone”). Why is it important to be trained in visiting seniors? Not all of us are forthcoming about things that are hard to do, about the many things we worry about or forget: taking meds regularly, paying bills appropriately. Many of us will only complain to a best friend about loneliness and sadness. My friend lives across the country She does not sound comfortable and normal on the phone. Loneliness is catching up to her as her contemporaries are dying. I would love to have help with talking to her on the telephone. Is there more to say than, “How are you?” At the SOCS BOX training we will learn about the signals of a problem, possible meaning of a sudden change in behavior or voice, we will learn to ask questions that ordinarily might not occur to us. To back up the questions and observations we are taught and informed at training about the variety of resources that are available. Our San Diego community has the resources to help one maintain a safe and active life. Visitors will learn how to identify what might be a mental health issue in a friend, what to do about hunger, where to find someone to help with minor home repairs. It’s training to observe, not offer therapy, but to learn when to make a suggestion, a referral, what to do when it is clear that something has gone wrong for the senior. We learn to understand the warning signs of trouble. A woman who has already registered for training said that she had attended last year, she learned so much that she is coming again. She believes there is much more to learn. She is correct. There will be the opportunity to hear a discussion concerning the interaction of our meds. Emphasis during the training will include words about discarded meds and their possible danger to our water system, advice concerning keeping our meds away from our young people. Suicide prevention, called “Question, Persuade, Refer (QPR) will be offered after lunch, from 1:15 to 2:15. I went recently, it was extremely helpful. During the year I had to use what I had learned in a real situation when a close friend was talking suicide. My young friend paid attention. Suicide prevention is a significant agenda item. I think I may have saved a friend’s life. Register for SOCS BOX by January 23rd for the January 29th sessions to insure your place. They will be held at the San Marcos Community Center, 9:30 am to 1:10 or 2:20. Call 858 628-2880 or online click www.PalomarHealth.org/classes, for further information. Register early, space is limited, with our growing senior community, folks understand there is vital information to be gleaned from SOCS BOX Training.

Memories often Hurt........................................................................December 2, 1014 When my beautiful son, Jeff died on December 11, 1992, I discovered that the pictures on the wall were great solace. I felt surrounded with his warmth, love and so many memories. They were still pictures and somehow they were the past, never forgotten but also, no longer painful. Recently Judi stumbled on old family movies. With much excitement she transferred those old movies onto a DVD and brought them to me, a wonderful gift. I want to share my reaction without seeming ungrateful, unaware of Judi’s good intentions. Everyone has his/her own take on life’s ups and downs. I hope that Judi understands mine. Live pictures of my lost husband, my borrowed son and my grandson-in-limbo suddenly entered my reality, the pain was intense, The difference between the flat stills and the moving pictures was, for me somewhat shattering. As memories that I savor every day, my men have a specific place in my heart, my day and my being. I have said that Erv and Jeff are residing in my heart and Matt is always in my prayers for his future. Their pictures hang on my wall and I have a word for each almost everyday. The home movies suddenly brought them out of hiding. There stood Jeff, tall and straight, there was Matt bubbling with the joy of living at age three, happy and here was Erv warm, loving engrossed with his grandson. I had accepted the deaths of Erv and Jeff, the missteps, unhappiness of Matt and suddenly there they were, out of place and haunting my night. There is a good probability that Matt will straighten out his life, learn a new reality. But Erv and Jeff will never be lively and enthusiastic about life again. I love them still, they dance in my dreams, but seeing them move around as they used to, to hear their voices as I did so often in the past was very unsettling. Yes, everyone is different.