The Beginning…? April 30, 2015
Not long ago, I said to Judi that I was trying to gather stories from our past, put them together, perhaps in a memoir. Her answer stopped me in my tracks, “Oh Mom, I have heard all those stories.” I had to question myself; is my interest in writing down pieces of the past from my childhood or hers, ego-centered or maudlin? I savor memories, enjoy writing them down, in that way, I re-live many of them. That past, all that past is, for me, fun to recollect. It is fun and celebratory, even the bad stories because from them, I learned lessons, even repaired broken bits of myself.
I have to ask myself if Judi’s rejection of the idea of “hearing the stories repeated…or reading them”, is a rejection of her past, or simply a rejection of my telling stories again? Of course she is not 93, she is 64 and still has much to look forward to, much about my adopted daughter’s roots are unknown and potentially exciting. Matt, her son will be coming home in November. That is a biggie. It holds a degree of uncertainty, a challenge, the close of a chapter from the past that neither she nor Matt wishes to re-open.
They have both learned many lessons in patience and hopefully, he has learned a big lesson regarding boundaries. Learning about boundaries is a difficult lesson. Our lives frequently seem to be surrounded by boundaries. When I list the many “thou shalt nots” in my limited life, I am shocked by the enormity of them all.
A good place to start is with basics: the Ten Commandments. No matter what religion defines them, puts them in “acceptable” words, they come out the same. The acts or thoughts that are against God’s will are forbidden to women and men who believe in a Deity. It matters not what that Deity is called, whether man or woman, black or white, gay or straight, we all acknowledge there is a power greater than ours, that we do not understand, that (or who) is responsible for the good things we enjoy, some of the bad as well. For non-believers, I have questions: How did we all get here? Where does Nature’s beauty come from? In the beginning there was what? These are not our questions alone, today, at this time. The ancient world puzzled over them as well. We have more answers today, but not THE answer, yet.
While searching for answers we frequently turn to stories from childhood, stories we know well hoping that they can lead us to answers. They seldom do. There are many stories to tell from my childhood and my kids growing years right up to today. Perhaps they can give us perspective, I doubt you will find answers. I share some snippets as they come to me.

The Day We Brought Judi Home!
The day we brought Judi home was a bright, sunny day in Winston-Salem, North Carolina. We had met Jeff’s baby sister and were informed that she was “hot or cold running water”, she turned her emotions on and off with no effort, unexpectedly switching easily and noisily. Apparently the change of moms was scary and distressing. She had had two for the first eight months of her life: foster Mother and birth Mother shared her care every day, maybe they fought a few battles over her. No one told me about that time. But two Mothers in competition for one child must have their moments.
Then along comes Mom #3, that was me and there was no way I could communicate to my infant daughter that I was “it”. For better or for worse we were matched, we were Mother and Daughter, in reality and with legal back-up. On the way home from the agency, Judi screamed in high frequency. I tried everything that I had learned: I held her and cuddled her, I sat her next to me and tried to talk to her with love and joy; nothing worked, when I held her she beat my chest with tiny fists; when I talked to her she cried harder.
When we finally arrived home, I took her into the living room, sat her on the couch and fell to my knees to calm her on eye level. She wanted none of me. Big brother Jeff came in to complain about the noise, he looked at her yelled, “Hey Judi, look at me”. He stood on his head, flipped back to his feet and made a funny face. The crying stopped short, Judi giggled and giggled at her upside down brother. We drew a collective family sigh of relief, Judi was home!