December 24th, 2014
Mothers and daughters, it seems, are destined for squabbling. I sure wish
Judi had a daughter, so at least she would understand a little of the
discomfort I sometimes suffer. My Mom and I fussed and argued. Just before our wedding she asked, “Haven’t
I been a good Mother to you?” Of
course I told her how wonderful she was, she was a great Mom, really she was,
despite the fact that she never played tennis.
Her insights and instincts were astonishing.
That morning before our wedding, at five am, she cried because
I had chosen to visit with my future-in-laws on my last night at home as a
single woman. She forgot that Erv and I
had been at home with her and Dad the whole week before we married and Erv’s
parents had just come into town. There
my Dad stood at the foot of my bed, imploring me to help Mother feel
better. I went to her and was able to coax
her smile out of hiding.
For whatever reason, mothers and daughters watch each other
carefully, suspect foul play quickly and can easily hurt one another without
intending to do so. It is inherent, I
remember small Judi squeezing between her Dad and me on the couch while asking,
“When you die Mom, can I marry Dad?” With certainty I answered, “Sure!”
The news of Matt’s return next November is good news. Inasmuch as he has been away for so long the
responsibility of re-entering a life of freedom is primarily his. I am sure that he hopes and believes that it
will be easy. The freedom to choose
time, place and occupation sounds seductive from where he is now sitting. Expectations for him will be different
however. I hope he understands that he must find suitable employment, perhaps
enroll to obtain training in something that interests him. The choice is not mine, but he has to make a
decision, that might be complicated.
Like his decision to explore Christianity, this is not something for me
to decide. His decisions impact his life, that is why he has to make
them.
Today I took his Mom to lunch. I thought it was a good idea.
For whatever reason she asked out of the blue why I gave Matt a doll on
his first birthday? I simply told her I
thought (and still believe) boys should know about babies just as girls
do. I added I was certain I had
discussed it with her first, she was just as sure that I did not. Erv is not here to mediate. It poses a 25 year-old memory question, I
cannot answer for sure. So the question
hung in the air between us; she was angry and I was in shock and most likely
angry too as our discussion deteriorated.
“But why didn’t you give him a truck or car?” That answer was simple, “he had so many of those…!” Mothers and daughters, destined to disagree.
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